Things are getting better. I’m still thinking about stuff but I’m not obsessing and worrying over it like I was at the start of the week. I talked before about the glass being half full or half empty, but I realize now the glass is entirely full. She’s OK and that’s all that matters. Genuinely awful permanent things happen every day and as scary as it was, if my biggest worry is a fluke incident where something bad almost happened then I’m obviously pretty lucky.

But I do want to mention that I got several really nice letters from readers describing their own similar (and much worse) scares with loved ones and how they reacted in the aftermath. I want to thank them and everyone who sent in a supportive note. I truly appreciate it.

I’ll probably come back later on this afternoon and answer some questions because those are piling up. And then in the days to come we’ll get back to the usual postings with the sexy boobies and the dirty picture stories of the people doing the sex.

Or maybe in the end it was good. I don’t know. I guess maybe it’s one of those glass half full or half empty situations. Except I would usually consider myself a half full type of person and yet I feel like I’m focusing really hard on the negatives of it.

(Warning: nothing about this post is sexy or fun in any way. But I thought maybe writing about it would make me feel better.)

My mom started choking the other day (Sunday). Couldn’t-breathe choking. I-had-to-do-the-Heimlich-maneuver-on-her choking. It was pretty awful. Awful for about 30 seconds for her and awful for the last two days and counting for me.

I had to go somewhere Sunday afternoon and I was probably 10 seconds from leaving when I heard a crash from the kitchen, which is where she was. A crash like plates or something got knocked onto the floor. I walked back in to see what happened and I saw she was choking. She knocked something off the table when she stood up.

I think outwardly I was pretty calm but inside I panicked pretty much immediately. I got her in position for the heimlich and did two or three thrusts and it didn’t work. Then I really started to panic because I started remembering how when I was a kid and learned CPR and all that stuff, they taught us the heimlich. But then when I was around 16 we had to do CPR in gym class and the lady who came to teach us acted like the heimlich wasn’t what you do anymore. She talked about back slaps and maybe then the heimlich after that.

So I started thinking did I screw up? Should I have done the back slaps first? Am I even doing it right? Why isn’t it working? My mind was going in a bunch of different directions. Meanwhile the life of the person I love most in the whole world was in the balance. Ultimately I re-gripped her and did the heimlich two more times and it worked. She was OK.

What happened right after is kind of a blur. I know we hugged and I was asking if she was OK and everything. She said she was fine. Well, she ended up a little sore and bruised. But otherwise OK.

But after a minute or so it was like the heaviness of the situation, that in the blink of an eye she potentially could have died, hit me like a truck. I got really really freaked out and I was hugging her to me and I couldn’t let go. She kept saying it was OK and she was OK and was basically trying to calm me down. Which is more than a little embarrassing, that this happened to her and it ends up that she’s trying to make me feel better.

So right when I finally started to calm down, it hit me that I had been about to leave when this happened. Another minute, not even a minute, and I wouldn’t have known anything was wrong. So what then? What if I hadn’t been able to help? What if I’d come home and found her dead on the kitchen floor?

Then I REALLY started freaking out. To the point of physically getting sick. She continued trying to calm me down and everything. Although she did say jokingly afterwards that she kinda liked seeing me freak out like that. You know, cause I only reacted like that because I love her so much.

But anyway, for her it was like 30 seconds of unpleasantness and then it was over. And she looks at it like a positive experience. She said it’s not that she ever doubted she could count on me in a bad situation, but now she knows she can. She said she feels even closer to me than ever. More than a few times, in between lots and lots of kisses, she’s called me her hero. Which is obviously pretty nice.

But I’ve spent the last two days feeling lousy. It’s just scary to think of how close the worst possible thing that could ever happen came to actually happening. And I can’t stop thinking about it. Not the choking incident specifically, just how quickly everything could be ruined forever. What if something awful happens when she’s driving to work? Or when she’s driving home? What if something like this happens again when I’m not there? What if what if.

I hope all this worrying goes away soon. I’m not sure writing this helped quite like I was hoping it would, but I wrote it so I might as well share it. I’m truly sorry if this upset anyone or brought up bad memories or anything like that.

It’s officially official. We know exactly when we’ll be moving. It’s not gonna happen for many many many months, since as I’ve discussed before my mom has her work schedule mapped out a long time in advance. But she now knows when her last day will be. Which means we know when we’ll be able to move.

It’s pretty exciting. Just moving in itself is exciting, I guess. Going to a new place and all that. But it’s especially exciting since it kinda represents like a whole new life for us. Hopefully, anyway.

There’s lots of things to be done, like getting our current house ready to sell and all that. So it’s a good thing it’s a long way away. But even so, I wish it was happening like… right now. Or tomorrow at the latest.

Anyway, I just thought I’d let you know.

hey man, are you still gonna talk about your vacay with your mom? was looking foward to hearing how it was.

Well, to be honest, there really isn’t all that much to discuss. But yeah, I’m still gonna talk about it.

Is right now a good time for you?

Keep reading

Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Anniversary!
Happy Happy Happy Happy Happy Anniversary!
Happy Happy Happy Happy–
SHUT IT!

Good for you if you know that reference. Today, yes today, is the TWO YEAR anniversary of this tumblr! So… you know. I thought I’d write a little bit about it. Most notably an update of sorts on recent developments in my personal situation, if that interests you at all.

(Yes, this means there’s no porn today. Sorry.)

Ready? Let’s go!

Keep reading

Now that the never-ending vacation story actually ended, I thought I’d take a moment to talk about the blog and like… the future and where we go from here and similarly exciting topics like that. I’ve gotten a lot of questions and feedback about that topic the past few months, so I want to address it to let people know what my thoughts are.

Keep reading

Finally.

Keep reading

The never ending story continues.

I have updated the site description, by the way. And the FAQ. Not updating it seemed to irk a lot of you, so hopefully you can put your minds at ease now. It has been done.

Keep reading

I know it’s been a while. So if you want to revisit the first two parts real quick, I’ll understand.

Keep reading

I’m sorry this took so long. There were a lot of reasons - I didn’t have a lot of time to write it being chief among them.

But it was also hard for me to write in a way. I’ll explain what I mean as we get further into it.

Keep reading

I have a lot to tell you.

And as long as this is, it’s not the whole story. It’s not even close. It’s really just setting things up for the main attraction. But by the end you’ll know what the main attraction is, I promise.

Also… while you read it, you might get mad at me. But not too much, I hope.

Keep reading

I have a ton of messages saying this same thing. And I swear, I’m doing my best to write it up. But it might be another day or two. I just don’t have a lot of free time right now.

As for a hint… it’s about me. And why I was gone for two weeks. And a gorgeous incredible woman I’m madly in love with who came with me. And what we did together.

And I really don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

I’m back. Did you miss me? I missed you!

I’m not sure when I’ll be able to get to everything, but I have a ton of messages to answer. Private ones, not ones here on the blog. I’ll get to them as soon as I can.

And… I have a lot to tell you.

I mentioned a few days ago that I’ve been working a ton this week. There’s a reason for that. I was working other people’s shifts to get them to cover mine while I’m away for two weeks.

That’s the terrible news: I won’t be around. I’ve only known for about a week so this wasn’t some long-term planned thing that I’ve been neglecting to tell you about.

But the good news is that you won’t even notice I’m gone. I’ll have the queue all loaded up to post stuff while I’m not here. Gifs! Stories! Comics! The works.

This does mean there won’t be any updates on my own little ongoing situation. But the premise of having updates assumes there would be something to update you on. There’s not much to say at the moment, though I did just write something right below this.

I’m not leaving right away so I may still post again. But I wanted to make sure everyone knew. And if this is the last post I make, you’ll know when the queued posts start up.

See you when I’m back.

I have to work a TON this week so I’ll have to keep this short. But I did want to clarify something I’ve gotten a lot of messages about.

When I talked about feeling awkward and not going for hugs and kisses like I did before I told her, I didn’t mean that I was completely withdrawing from her physically or not showing affection or anything. Those things still happen like when she goes to work or one of us comes home, or when she goes to bed, or whatever the case may be. And like I said, she’s been more affectionate, particularly with hugs.

I just meant that when there was no reason to (other than me wanting to), I was feeling awkward about going for physical affection. But it’s getting better.

Back to the grind. Have an A-1 day!